Paulina the Apostle (New Testament)

As a Christian feminist, I find some parts of the bible pretty difficult. One particular passage is from Paul the Apostle – 1 Corinthians 11. In this post I’ll re-word this passage, swapping “male” for “female” words. Why? Because doing this makes me happy 🙂 It feels great being the favoured gender in the Bible, for a change!

Paulina the Apostle writes: Now I want you to realize that the head of every woman is Jesusa Christa, and the head of the man is woman, and the head of Jesusa Christa is our Mother God. Every woman who prays or prophesies with her head covered dishonors her head. And every man who prays or prophesies with his head uncovered dishonors his head—it is just as though his head were shaved. If a man does not cover his head, he should have his hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a man to have his hair cut or shaved off, he should cover his head. A woman ought not to cover her head, since she is the image and glory of our Mother God; but the man is the glory of woman. For woman did not come from man, but man from woman; neither was woman created for man, but man for woman. For this reason, and because of the angels, the man ought to have a sign of authority on his head.

 In our Lord, however man is not independent of woman, nor is woman independent of man. For as man came from woman, so also man fathers a daughter who becomes a woman. But everything comes from Mother God. Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a man to pray to Mother God with his head uncovered? Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a woman has long hair, it is a disgrace to her, but that if a man has long hair, it is his glory? For long hair is given to him as a covering. If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice—nor do the churches of God.

Becoming a gender-equal society

We need to SEE WOMEN as often as we see men in all areas of society.  We need to know WE ARE AS IMPORTANT as men are. We need to know that we are AS NECESSARY to society as men are. We need to know that OUR VOICES ARE HEARD as frequently as men’s voices. We need AS MANY GREAT FEMALE ROLE MODELS in the media and all areas of society as men have. We need to know that we are NOT THE “OTHER” GENDER. We need to know that we are NOT PERIPHERAL to society, or sidelined.  We need to know that we are EQUALLY CENTRAL in all areas of society as men are. We need to know that MEN and MALE are NOT THE SOCIETAL NORM. The male voice needs to be seen no longer the generic gender-neutral voice of  “human-kind” but as a gendered male voice the same way as the female voice is  seen as a gendered female voice.

 So long as male singers/actors/movies/main characters are valued almost equally by men and women, but female singers/actors/movies/main characters are liked the same by women, but significantly less by men = then female everything will still be seen as inferior. It will still be seen as different, as female, as “other” from the “norm” (male everything is seen as “normal”/central in most aspects of society).

 

Is society still sexist? A man’s opinion vs a woman’s opinion

 

My family starting a conversation about feminism a few months ago, and one of us asked whether each of us considered ourselves a feminist. Surprised, I said, “of course!” and so did my Mum. But my Dad and brothers wouldn’t call themselves feminists because they thought feminism wasn’t useful anymore because society was no longer sexist. It surprised me to learn that my brothers thought there wasn’t a shred of sexism in society today. I had felt the complete opposite for a long time, and it seemed obvious to me that much of society was still sexist to a degree.

THE MAN who says society is not sexist is commenting without personal experience . He isn’t affected by (most) sexism at all so he doesn’t have to notice it. He also has a strong personal stake in not noticing sexism. He knows he is a good person, really, and that he tries in every way to treat women as well as he treats men. He feels a personal attack if anyone insinuates that any part of society can still be “sexist”. This prejudices him against noticing sexism, and against accepting that certain acts/situations are sexist.This man thinks a lot less than a woman does about whether something is sexist or not. He rarely thinks about sexism, or about things that might be sexist. This is because he has a personal stake (self-pride) in not noticing sexism. This is also because as a man, sexism hardly affects him, so he simply doesn’t need to bother thinking about it.

THE WOMAN by contrast, when she says there is sexism in society is commenting based on her personal experience. She  is victimised by the sexism so she notices it easily, and experiences it much more intensely than the man will. She is more sensitive to noticing sexism because it deeply affects her. Because of this she will think much more about situations and whether they are sexist or not. She will notice sexism – if it exists – more readily than a man would.

I think men who are quick to state “oh, society isn’t sexist nowadays!” should shut up for a long while and put their prejudices and self-pride aside – and simply listen really well to women and their experiences. These men should try really hard to understand these women’s viewpoints and reasons before they decide for themselves whether society is sexist or not. Men should acknowledge that they have a personal bias towards ignoring or belittling sexism if it does exist. They should consider how this bias affects their perception of whether sexism still exists in society or not.

 

COMPARING THIS TO RACISM:  If I compare this to racism – how can I think that my perspective as a white person is as good as a non-white person’s perspective on whether racism still exists? As a white person I get the privilege of being relatively blind to issues of ‘race’. So I know that I better shut up and listen well and hard to non-white people who believe that much of society is still racist – they will have different experiences from me.

 

Don’t call me a pretty little girl

Some very distant relatives came over today. I’d only met them once before. One of them (a friendly old man), after we’d introduced ourselves to each other, asked me, “How’s it going with your boyfriend?” (playfully assuming that “of course” I must have a boyfriend, to make me feel good about myself). I replied, “What boyfriend?” And he said, “How can a pretty little girl like you not have a boyfriend?” Unsure what to say, I just smiled, embarrassed. And the conversation came to a dead end.

SOME REASONS WHY THIS CONVERSATION BOTHERED ME:

1. he assumed I want a boyfriend (he assumed all young women hate being single and want boyfriends). That we hate being independent. That we can’t enjoy being single/unattached. He assumed that we derive our primarily value from our value to guys (eg. from whether guys are attracted to us, or from whether we have a boyfriend who loves us).

2. he assumed that the main (only?) thing that guys consider when deciding whether to ask us out is whether we are attractive. If that is true, it hardly makes me want to date guys ever.

3. he seemed to imply that my primary value (to society and to myself) and measure of success in life was whether I had “succeeded” in getting a boyfriend (not in eg. my University grades, career…). And he told me that to achieve this success in life I must be beautiful. He told me that being beautiful is what would get me what I wanted in life (and that what I wanted was boyfriend + children).

4. he complimented me on being “pretty”. I know that I am average looking, and that is okay with me. But when people comment on how I look it makes me self-conscious. It makes me aware of just how much how I look matters to them, and to society. And to my perceived chance of “future success” in life. Which, to a plain looking lady, is very worrying. I can’t do anything about how I look, but I can sort the more important parts of myself/my life out! How I look is so trivial and meaningless it makes me scared and angry when someone tells me once again how important it is for women.

5. He called me a “little girl”  . I am in my twenties. I didn’t like how he associated “pretty enough to get a boyfriend” with “little girl” – someone small/slim and young. It assumes women have to be little and “cute”. It seems infantilizing/belittling.

This man who had that conversation with me is a nice man. He is a normal man. He was simply trying to be friendly, encouraging, funny and kind. Nevertheless I found his comments problematic.

Not A Girl

I am sick of women who are no longer girls still being called girls. Boys when they get older are called guys. This word can be used for males of any age, and it is unconnected with the child word “boy”. We don’t have a similar “casual” word to use for women. So instead we use “girls”. I have heard one person say the word “gals” serves this purpose: however this word is obviously taken off of the child word “girls” so it is still connecting women with girls. It is also an exclusively American word, we don’t use it where I live.

Why I think women are still called “girls” after we become adults =  females are not supposed to mature. We are more valuable in this society (to men) if we stay young, and sexy/attractive. We are supposed to be a bit sillier, too. Not as intelligent as our husbands, and not as serious. We can (and should) spend a good amount of time making ourselves look “cute” and sexy (for the men). We wear clothes that make us look smaller, we sit “smaller” than men (legs together/crossed), and we generally try to make ourselves look slimmer/littler/petite. Like a girl. So we look good to guys. In contrast, boys are encouraged to “man-up” and become a man quickly, it is good for them to mature. They aren’t supposed to continue looking like boys, if they do they will be effeminate men, who are ‘less’ than real men.

Calling us women “girls” is a way to belittle us, talk down to us, treat us as less important. It is patronising. We are women. We are ladies. We are adults.

– Using the word “girl” for a girlfriend just plain seems creepy. Along with calling one’s girlfriend “baby”. Particularly along with saying, “come to daddy!” (do people ever say that in real life or just on TV? That sounds seriously creepy).

– The sex industry almost always calls it’s female workers “girls”. I absolutely hate that. I understand that for some bizarre reason “girl” is a sexier term than “woman”. But “Ladies” is sexy too, and it shows that the sex worker women are adults, and that they should be respected (not belittled).

IF WE’RE NOT ‘GIRLS’ WHAT ARE WE? WHAT DO WE CALL OURSELVES? = The word “lady” is one possible alternative. The word “lady” used to be used for only upper class white women – and today is still used more for white, well-off women than for non-white or poor women, I think. So using the word “ladies” to refer to all women may be problematic. The word “woman” is better. The only ‘problem’ with the word “woman” is that it is considered sexless, unsexy, boring, prudish, old, plain, and ugly.  The word “girl” is seen as sexy. But that is creepy to me, that it has to be like that. “Woman” should be considered sexy, not “girl”! 

 

NOT a girly-girl

Bad for boys to be feminine but good for girls to be masculine?

   Many girls feel a stigma attached to being “too girly” which really irks me. I want to explore why this stigma is there in my next posts.  Because of this stigma, when I was 4 I decided I liked purple better than pink. It wasn’t true. I really did prefer pink but I was trying not to be a girly girl. Being girly was embarrassing. It was uncool. Boys teased me and thought I was silly if I acted girly. Boys are never faced with a similar stigma about being a boy, I think. It is always okay for them to like blue or trucks. If they are particularly “macho” or boy-like this is fine too. Boys are taught to strongly resist being more ‘like a girl’ – being feminine.