Our Male Centric society needs to change: becoming human centric and gender-equal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Us women need to know WE EXIST as much as guys do in society, and in the world. 

We need to SEE WOMEN as often as we see men in all areas of society

We need to know WE ARE AS IMPORTANT as guys are. 

We need to know that we are AS NECESSARY to all aspects of society as guys are.

We need to know that OUR VOICES ARE HEARD as frequently as guys voices.

We need AS MANY GREAT FEMALE ROLE MODELS in the media and in the public as guys have (by “media” I include film, books, TV, music/singers/bands – by “public” I include politicians).

We need to know that we are NOT OTHER

We need to know that we are NOT PERIPHERAL to society (any longer),

Instead, we need to know that we are EQUALLY CENTRAL in every aspect of society as men are.

That MEN and MALE are NOT THE NORM

The male voice needs to be seen no longer the generic gender-neutral voice of “human-kind” but as a gendered male voice the same way as the female voice is  seen as a gendered female voice.

I shall discuss in a later post what ways in which many aspects of our society is male-centric. If you don’t believe it is, bare with me. I shall discuss this in more detail and with examples later. Very briefly, though = so long as male singers/actors/movies/main characters are liked almost equally by guys and women, and female singers/actors/movies/main characters are liked less by women, and significantly less by guys compared with male characters/actors etc > then female being equally central as male in society (equally seen, equally important) doesn’t stand a chance. Female everything will still be seen as inferior. It will still be seen as different, as female, as “other” from the “norm” (male everything is seen as “normal”/central in most aspects of society).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DON’T CALL ME A PRETTY LITTLE GIRL and DON’T ASK ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND

Some very distant relatives came over today. I’d only met them once before. One of them (a friendly old man), after we’d introduced ourselves to each other, asked me,

> “How’s it going with your boyfriend?” (playfully assuming that “of course” I must have a boyfriend, to make me feel good about myself). I replied,

> “What boyfriend?” And he said,

> “How can a pretty little girl like you not have a boyfriend?” Unsure what to say, I just smiled, embarrased. And the conversation came to a dead end.

 

 

FIVE REASONS WHY THIS CONVERSATION MADE ME FUME

1.  he assumed I want a boyfriend (he assumed all young women hate being single and want boyfriends). That we hate being independent. That we can’t enjoy being single/unattached. He assumed that we derive our primarily value from our value to guys (eg. from whether guys are attracted to us, or from whether we have a boyfriend who loves us).

 

2. he assumed that the main (only?) thing that guys consider when deciding whether to ask us out is whether we are attractive. If that is true, it hardly makes me want to date guys ever.

3. he basically told me that my primary value (to society and to myself) and measure of success in life was whether I had “succeeded” in getting a boyfriend (not in eg. my University grades, career…). And he told me that to achieve this success in life I must be beautiful. He told me that being beautiful is what would get me what I wanted in life (and that what I wanted was boyfriend + children).

4. he complimented me on being “pretty”. But I know I am just average looking, and when people comment on how I look it makes me self-conscious. It makes me aware of just how much how I look matters to them, and to society. And to my perceived chance of “future success” in life. Which, to a plain looking lady, is very worrying. I can’t do anything about how I look, but I can sort the more important parts of myself/my life out! How I look is so trivial and meaningless it makes me scared and angry when someone tells me once again how important it is for women.

5. this man would never have asked an obviously ugly young women about whether she had a boyfriend or not. To him, he would see this as pointing out her “unfortunate luck with looks”, and putting his foot in it. So it makes me very uncomfortable that he will compliment me for my plain luck in looking ‘good’. It sets me apart from those who ‘don’t', and emphasises just how important this thing to do with genes and not our hard work is.

  NOT A PRETTY LITTLE GIRL

I also didn’t appreciate the “little girl” after the word “pretty” in this man’s compliment to me. It assumes to be sufficiently pretty to get a boyfriend, one has to be small/slim and young. It assumes we have to be little and “cute”. It seems infantilizing/belittling. I don’t want to be “cute” or a “girl” – I want to be an adult!

This man who had that conversation with me is a nice man. He is a normal man. He was simply trying to be friendly, encouraging, funny and kind. Even a man like that can say things that are sexist (even through trying to be nice, even without knowing his words were sexist).

 I DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND right now.  I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t want a boyfriend (at least for now/near future). I am very happy without a boyfriend. I am not miserable or lonely. I hardly think about not having a boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOT A GIRL

EXPLAINING MY BLOG TITLE

I am sick of women who are no longer girls still being called girls.

Boys when they get older are called guys. This word can be used for males of any age, and it is unconnected with the child word “boy”.

We don’t have a similar “casual” word to use for women. So instead we use “girls”. I have heard one person say the word “gals” serves this purpose: however this word is obviously taken off of the child word “girls” so it is still connecting women with girls. It is also an exclusively American word, we don’t use it where I live. 

Why I think women are still called “girls” after we become adults =  females are not supposed to mature. We are more valuable in this society (to men) if we stay young, and sexy/attractive. We are supposed to be a bit sillier, too. Not as intelligent as our husbands, and not as serious. We can (and should) spend a good amount of time making ourselves look “cute” and sexy (for the men). We wear clothes that make us look smaller, we sit “smaller” than men (legs together/crossed), and we generally try to make ourselves look slimmer/littler/petite. Like a girl. So we look good to guys. In contrast, boys are encouraged to “man-up” and become a man quickly, it is good for them to mature. They aren’t supposed to continue looking like boys, if they do they will be effeminate men, who are ‘less’ than real men.

Calling us women ”girls” is a way to belittle us, talk down to us, treat us as less important. It is patronising.

We are women. We are ladies. We are adults.

- Using the word “girl” for a girlfriend just plain seems creepy. Along with calling one’s girlfriend “baby”. Particularly along with saying, “come to daddy!” (do people ever say that in real life or just on TV? That sounds seriously creepy).

- The sex industry almost always calls it’s female workers “girls”. I absolutely hate that. I understand that for some bizarre reason “girl” is a sexier term than “woman”. But “Ladies” is sexy too, and it shows that the sex worker women are adults, and that they should be respected (not belittled).

IF WE’RE NOT ‘GIRLS’ WHAT ARE WE? WHAT DO WE CALL OURSELVES? = The word “lady” is one possible alternative. The word “lady” used to be used for only upper class white women – and today is still used more for white, well-off women than for non-white or poor women, I think. So using the word “ladies” to refer to all women may be problematic. The word “woman” is better. The only ‘problem’ with the word “woman” is that it is considered sexless, unsexy, boring, prudish, old, plain, and ugly.  The word “girl” is seen as sexy. But that is creepy to me, that it has to be like that. “Woman” should be considered sexy, not “girl”! We need to change this.