IS SOCIETY STILL SEXIST? A MAN’S OPINION vs A WOMAN’S OPINION

 

My family starting talking about feminism a few months ago, and someone asked whether each of us considered ourselves a feminist. Surprised, I said, “of course!” and so did my Mum. But my Dad and brothers wouldn’t call themselves feminists because they thought feminism wasn’t useful anymore because society was no longer sexist. This completely shocked me – to learn that my brother’s thought there wasn’t a shred of sexism in society today. I had felt the complete opposite for a long time, and it seemed obvious to me that much of society was still sexist to a degree.

A man’s opinion on whether sexism still exists in society is in general much less relevant than a women’s opinion on whether society is still sexist.

THE MAN who says society is not sexist is commenting without personal experience . He isn’t affected by (most) sexism at all so he doesn’t have to notice it. He also has a strong personal stake in not noticing sexism. If sexism exists in society, that means he and/or his male friends are sexist (in some ways). That threatens him. He knows he is a good person, really, and that he tries in every way to treat women as well as he treats men. He feels a personal attack if anyone stimulates the possibility that any part of society can still be “sexist”. This prejudices him against noticing sexism, and against accepting that certain acts/situations are sexist. He often doesn’t consciously know he is prejudiced in this way – his prejudice against there being sexism is subconscious. This man thinks a lot less than a woman does about whether something is sexist or not. He rarely thinks about sexism, or about things that might be sexist. This is because he has a personal stake (self-pride) in not noticing sexism. This is also because as a man, sexism hardly affects him, so he simply doesn’t need to bother thinking about it.

THE WOMAN by contrast, when she says there is sexism in society is commenting based on her personal experience. She  is victimised by the sexism so she notices it easily, and experiences it much more intensely than the man will. She is more sensitive to noticing sexism because it deeply affects her. Because of this she will think much more about situations and whether they are sexist or not. She will notice sexism – if it exists – more readily than a man would.

COMPARING THIS TO RACISM:  I feel the same way about racism. I know better shut up and listen well and hard to non-white people who believe that much of society is still racist.

 

I know I better do this because I know as a woman I see that society is sexist in many areas – but many men don’t see this at all (my dad, my brothers). And this makes me furious at them, when they don’t have the experience to know, and when they don’t listen to me and my experiences.

 

If I compare this to racism - how can I think that my perspective as a white person is as good as a non-white person’s perspective on whether racism still exists?

 

I think white people should really shut up a bit and simply listen really hard to non-white people and their experiences – before deciding whether racism exists or not.

 

I think men who are quick to state “oh, society isn’t sexist nowadays!” should similarily shut up for a long while and put their prejudices and self-pride aside – and simply listen really well to women who say society is sexist - and to their experiences. These men should try really hard to understand these women’s viewpoints and reasons before they decide for themselves whether society is sexist or not. Men should acknowledge that they have a personal bias towards ignoring or belittling sexism if it does exist. They should consider how this bias affects their perception of whether sexism still exists in society or not.

 

I don’t think men have that much right to speak on the subject of sexism. I can’t believe any reasonable man would believe there wasn’t a single thread of sexism in society today. It baffles me.